stories etc

"marburg's shitty day"

marburg was a good boy. he was german lad, but a good boy nevertheless. he had a big block shaped head which was full of knowledge, and he put his brains to work on the school debating team. marburg however, was starting to fall behind in his studies in the class of biology. he tried to stay out of trouble, but james and james always sat behind him, and pestered him until he could take no more. anything made marburg laugh. once he was kicked out of class because james and james showed him a picture of an anorexic ethiopian baby from the biology text book, and marburg couldn’t stop laughing at the little black lad’s disproportioned body. marburg even thought the word “quilt” was the funniest thing ever. marburg warned the two bullies to discontinue annoying and distracting him, but nothing was going to stop them.
one day, james and james told marburg that the next day they would take a dump in class and eat it in front of him. of course, marburg did not know about the little fake poo one of the james’ had, which had already been used for a few pranks already in its short lifetime. james and james were not going to eat a real poo, but they had marburg believing that they were going to.
sure enough, the next day, james brought his beloved pet poo to biology class, along with a sachet of nutella hazelnut spread. yummo, marburg, yummo. james and james hid the poo from marburg’s view until they “needed to go.” one james went and ripped off a length of paper towel while the other put his hands down his pants and pretended to squeeze out a steamer. the rubber poo was placed in the paper towel, and nutella was smeared all over it. marburg turned his head and saw a sight both shocking and disgusting. the two james’ were holding a shit in a paper towel, and they were licking their brown fingers clean. “mmm,” they gasped rewardingly, digging in for second serves of the delectable brown treat. marburg went red in the face and threatened to tell on them if they didn’t stop eating their faeces immediately. james and james laughed at him and continued eating from the poo. the veins in marburg’s forehead popped out and he began to gag, trying to keep himself from vomiting. one james offered him some poo and marburg started getting angry. he swore and began to raise his voice, when suddenly the other james stood up from his seat, and placed the poo, paper towel and all, on marburg’s desk, leaving a skid-mark of nutella daubed on marburg’s flailing arms. marburg’s attempts to keep himself from throwing up were getting more and more effortless and he was actually going to be sick. marburg was under the impression that there was a trail of one of the james’ shit all the way up his arm and he was bloody mad. james and james then flicked excess chunks of nutella from their fingers at his face. one chunk, funnily enough, wet right into marburg’s mouth, and he ran right out of the classroom to vomit in the toilets, unaware that what he had just swallowed was only nutella.
when he got back to class, james and james had cleaned up the fake poo and nutella, and were doing their work, just as if nothing had happened. marburg received a detention for leaving class without permission and another detention for “lying” about the two james’ eating their own poo. oh, what a "shitty" day for marburg.