finally, greco-thailand fighting, the rebellious sport which
has illuminated the hearts of millions of people worldwide, has been accepted as an olympic sport. thanks to the committee
of the 2004 athens olympic games, greco-thailand fighting has finally been recognised for the wonder that it is, despite recent
allegations that “it is a dangerous and vulgar sport, suited only for idiots,” according to veteran actor rob
greco-thailand fighting began in about 2400 b.c when the fellows from the alpha-omega frat house of ancient
greece and the thailandese alcoholics anonymous group joined forces to prove to themselves who was ultimately the stronger
race. the only way they thought they could do this was by creating a violent sport in which there could only be one winner.
greco-thailand fighting was the solution, and it involved two contestants charging at each other (from a distance of about
five meters) at their top speeds and would literally crash each other’s shins or knees together. the winner was the
one left standing after the collision. however, picking a winner was no easy task for the judges of the first few greco-thailand
matches, because both contestants lay of the ground screaming in pain due to the suppleness of ancient human bones. thankfully,
evolution kicked in and over the next couple of thousands of years, people everywhere were captivated by the strength and
pain that contestants’ calcium enriched bones endured.
like the plague, greco-thailand spread around the world, but,
unlike the plague, did not kill them horribly with boils and rashes; it merely left them either with severe kneecap damage
or golden memories of the sport they once witnessed.
of course the greeks, being the greeks that they were, were not satisfied
with just the one sport, so they devised yet another sport, this time with the drunken people of finland. the sport was quite
similar to that of greco-thailand, but instead of kneecap and shin orientated collisions, the contestants’ heads were
used instead! the craziness of this scheme was almost as extreme as its death/brain-damage rate, which was massively extreme
by the way. and so, this sport was put on hiatus until, in the summer of 1982, christopher stackhat produced an invention
that allowed greco-finland fighting to continue: the stack hat.
indeed these two sports have proved to be more successful
than anything that man has ever invented, including the fork and of course god, and it will feature at the olympics in the
months to come. oh, and be sure to watch out for australia’s two greatest greco-thailanders: timothy “m.c terror”
dyer and adam “has sex with his mother” jackson.